this isn’t something i normally talk about. but right this second, i feel like it. this past week i’ve been insano sick with strep throat and the flu. not to mention crazy infected gauges. and when i’m sick, i pretty much don’t eat. like, yesterday i ate a handful of blue berries, a green apple, and a glass of milk. the day before that, a banana, 4 crackers, and some ginger ale. it seems scary, when i type it out and really think about it. but the thing is, i don’t think i’ll ever completely stop being anorexic. like, i don’t think its something you can ever really get away from. i don’t feel hungry like normal people do. if i’m out to dinner with people, i’ll get something cause everyone else is eating and i don’t just want to sit there awkwardly. and like, at lunch time i’ll eat something because i know i need to to survive and function. but eating isn’t like, something i seek out. interesting delicious rare foreign food or some shit. but anyway, looking in the mirror and being able to see my ribs and having a nice flat belly this week, feels friggin great. i absolutely love it. and absolutely i’m addicted to it. but, this week i was so weak. i could barely walk up the stairs. it got to the scary point. i think i have a balance of fear/dislike of anorexia and a satisfaction from it. all in all its a healthy balance. and i’m glad for that. i’m ready to start being proud of my body. even on the days when i can’t see my ribs.